Who Exactly?
by Gelly-MacANDChibiJojo
Summary: Amy tries to get the Doctor to tell her the one thing he doesn't tell anybody: his name. R&R.


**Hey, Gelly-mac here! I thought I'd try something different for a change. Hope you enjoy. ^-^ **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters.**

* * *

He is so frustrating!

But why? Why does he have to be so incredibly infuriating? Some days she finds herself wondering; is it a natural thing or does he have to practice being an imbecile? It's like he has a "Timelord's Guide for Dummies: Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Companion". Actually, now that she thinks about it, knowing the Doctor he probably does. It's probably hidden away somewhere deep in the never ending pockets of his annoying little grey dress jacket. Or in his annoying pants – she wasn't really sure but either way he was using it against her and she wasn't going to let him get away with it!

Ok, Amy thought, maybe she was jumping to drastic conclusions. But it made sense – in her mind. How else is he constantly coming up with new ways to make her blood boil?

As Amy sat at the very top step of the TARDIS, watching him push buttons, pull levers, flips switches, toggle…the things that you toggle, constantly spin the Hot and Cold knobs and just basically carry on like a mad man, she formed a plan in her mind of how exactly she was going to steal that stupid little book off of him. Obviously the direct approach wasn't an option, after all, she couldn't just waltz right up to the doctor and be all like "I know you're hiding it so just give it up and hand it over, old man!". Oh no, that would never work. He would just ignore her, tell her she was being ridiculous and that he had absolutely no idea what she was going on about and she should just go to bed. Again.

Hmm, maybe she could just hide out for a couple hours until he finally begins wondering where she is. He'd go looking for her – maybe – and then she'd out of the blue jump out from behind one of the big plants he's got scattered around his ship at random, or a stature of a Roman or Greek God, or yet _another_ statue of Julius Seizer, run up to him and snatch the book right out of his pocket then bolt in the opposite direction before he can catch her. Yes! Great idea!

…That is better said then done.

Amy sighed and buried her head in her hands; a veil of bright red hair falling over to seal her and her humiliation tightly behind a thick curtain that he can't see through. That plan seemed even more ridiculous then the first! What was she thinking; of course he'd catch her! He can catch a headless chicken running madly in a coop of a dozen other headless chickens for crying out loud! He can run faster then anyone she had ever met before and plus, she would probably just end up tripping over the plant or Roman/Greek God or Seizer. She remembers complaining about those before to him when she decided to make her way over to her room late and was stupid enough to think that she can make it without turning one single light on…basically _everything_ the Doctor has in his beloved TARDIS is a death trap waiting for someone – Amy – to walk into it.

That did leave one option. She could always just make a quick trip into her room, grab one of her mini skirts and distract him with her long legs… Oh who was she kidding _that_ would never work. She has already been down that road and really doesn't want to relive it. Well, maybe a little, but that's not the point! The point is that the man running in circles around a giant tube with one million buttons and bolts and bobs and levers and toggles and God only knows what else sticking out of it, who would every now and again push or pull something that he thinks he shouldn't have pushed or pulled and go into an inner panic attack because he thinks he may have just set the TARDIS on a course into the Sun before realising that _that _button or lever is way over _there _where as he's standing way over _here _and then calms down, is not any normal male you'd find running around England nowadays.

This just makes everything even more wearisome and difficult for Amy! Amy reckons that if she drew up two columns and labelled one side "Normal People" and the opposite side "Others" by the end of it she would have everyone who lives in her small quaint little town back home under the "Normal People" column…except maybe the old lady who lives next door to her, and under the "Others" she'd have the Doctor…and the old lady.

Amy sighed again. She could always just go up and ask him why he is so deeply maddening. But she can't do that, oh no, because that would requite him to be, oh, I don't know, ACTUALLY TALKING TO HER!

I guess this is where Amy's problem begins: the silent treatment. All she wanted was for him to let her in, to talk to her. And being Amy she thought that because the Doctor never _stopped_ talking that this should be easy, right? Wrong. All she wanted was a name. One name and then she will leave him alone forever. Maybe.

But this was not any ordinary name. It was _his_ name. And right then the Doctor being, well, the Doctor shut her down as soon as the words left her mouth and told her to go to bed. Again. And she even asked him in the sweetest, most innocent voice that Amy Pond could master. Well, she more like _demanded_ he tell her his real name in the sweetest, most innocent voice she could master. And when that didn't work she asked him to just give her something that rhymed with his name or even rhymed with only half of it. When that didn't work either she got mad and asked for the first letter, only to have him scream at her!

"That's cheating!" He had shouted. Amy knitted her eyebrows together and dug her heels into the floor, communicating that she wasn't going anywhere.

"How is that cheating?" She shouted back, Scottish accent thickening, although a tad of balance from the surprising outburst. "I couldn't possibly guess your name just by the first letter! It's probably some fifty letters long, two word thing."

The Doctor opened his mouth before closing it right away. Better not to comment on that. Better to just let her believe what she wants to believe and leave it. With a sigh and exasperated shake of the head the Doctor turned his back on his newest companion and carried on pressing random buttons until he flies them into a black hole.

"Don't ignore me!" No answer. "I can't believe you're ignoring me telling you not to ignore me!" Still no answer. Amy balled her fists and took a long, deep breath. She doesn't remember exactly how long she stood there tying to calm down before attempting another word, but it wasn't short. "At least tell me something that rhymes with the first letter."

"Are you still here?"

Amy doesn't really remember what happened next either, but judging but the wide eyed and mouth agape Doctor she figured with wasn't pretty…and at all lady-like. As Amy continued sitting on he stairs watching the Doctor type a series of numbers at lightning fast speed into a keyboard he pulled out of who knows where, she replayed a later conversation they had after she went crazy on him. Well, it was more like another argument, but who really cares for details. She had asked him why he does not want to even share the first letter to this mysterious name, which he counteracted by saying that that was because his name doesn't begin with any letters. Guessing that he was lying, Amy then counteracted _that _by asking a stupid question like "What then? Does it start with a number or something?" and not really expecting him to counteract that by answering "No, actually it begins with a musical note."

Right then she was sure he was lying because, really, who in their right mind would name their child and give them a music note at the beginning. Well, now that she thought about it, the Doctor would because he's just weird like that.

Somewhere around there was when he simply stopped speaking altogether and returned to his phantom button pushing. The silent treatment for the Doctor was where he slipped into a world of his own and where no one else existed but him and his TARDIS. It's all quite annoying actually – for both of them – because at this rate Amy will never get her answer and if the Doctor doesn't speak to _anyone _soon he may explode.

This brings Amy back to the book. She may as well mention that now because by the looks of it the old man won't hold for much longer and she'd really rather not have a mess to clean up afterward if he really _did_ explode. For the first time in a long while Amy pushed against the metal under her and rose to her feet, sighing when her joints gave off a refreshing crack from sitting in one position for so long.

Taking each step slowly, straight posture and head held high so that if he just so happened to look over at the current moment he would see just how intimidating she is (as if he didn't know that from the beginning). Amy waited until she was down on that same platform of the control room as the Doctor was and leaning up against the rails before speaking.

"Alright," She began and the Doctor peeked up at her under his lashes from the other side of the platform. "Where is it?"

The Doctor stopped mid button push and fully looked at her, confusion flashing on his face. Amy imagined a big flashing arrow pointing to him screaming "Confused Person". But that didn't really make any sense so she dismissed that though and got back to the big picture.

"I beg your pardon?" Oh, she had him now.

"The book." He wasn't wiggling his way out of this one.

The Doctor frowned, waiting for her to elaborate. "The…book?"

"Your book." _Yeah, I've got moves. How do you like _that_ one, old man!_

"My book?"

"Yes," She was getting frustrated again and needed to calm herself down, other wise they'll end up screaming at each other again and then que another trip to the naughty corner for Amy. "Your book."

The doctor waved a hand and still waited for elaboration, but gave up when none came. "Amy I'm afraid I have no idea what you are going on about,"

The red head took a deep breath, again, so that she wouldn't… ah, screw being calm! "The one you relate to whenever you need a new way to annoy me to hell!" She yelled. "I want it so give it!" Amy thrust her hand forward, palm turned upward awaiting to place the little book into it and they'll go their separate ways.

The Doctor stepped back, startled and thinking that the little girl he met in the back yard all those years ago...or minutes, he wasn't really sure...has finally gone mad. "I don't have such a book, Amy, you're being—"

"Ridiculous?" Amy finished for him. He did not try to deny that that was what he was going to say. "That's all you ever tell me these days! That and to go to bed all the time which really annoys me more that being called an idiot."

The Doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and middle finder. He really _was_ getting to old for this. "I never called you an idiot, Amy."

Amy refused to buy it. Crossing her arm tightly across her chest Amy turned her eyes away from the man in front of her, mumbling "Close enough…"

The Doctor gritted his teeth in frustration and stomped forward, arms outstretched beside him. "What do you want from me, Pond? Huh? What?"

Amy glared at him. How dare he get mad at her! It was _her_ job to be mad at _him_, not the other way! "I want you to talk to me,"

"I _am_ speaking!" The Doctor shouted.

Amy cast her eyes away again, mumbling, "S' not what I mean."

The Doctor growled and rubbed is temples in frustration, murmuring, "Oh God, gods, Santa Claws – anyone who's listening, I beg of you to help me!" He turned back to Amy because, really, what were the chances that a large jolly, bearded man was going to come crashing into his TARDIS and come to his rescue? There was a 99.9% chance of that not happening and quite frankly he's just not that lucky. More likely a Dalek or Cyber Man was going to come crashing into the TARDIS then Santa. And plus he's on the bad side of most of the gods in this universe so it is very unlikely they will come to his rescue either.

"Is this still about my name?" He gasped. He knew she wouldn't let this go so easily. Amy didn't answer but the Doctor didn't really need her to. "Why now? Why now after all this time do you suddenly want to know my name?"

"I just want to know!" Amy screamed back.

"Why?"

"Because I want something to call you!"

"Call me the Doctor!"

"But what is your real name?" They were moving closer and closer to each other every time someone said something, and right now Amy was deadly sure that if he kept delaying this any longer she was going to introduce her right fist with his left eye.

"It's the DOCTOR!" He screamed. Actually screamed right in her face.

Amy took a deep breath, "Doctor '_who_' exactly?" She screamed right back.

The Doctor held up one finger, "That," he began, "is an excellent question. Tell you what, why don't you hop on up to your room and ponder that for a bit. Get back to me when you've come up with a logical response because..." He turned away, speaking more to himself then anyone, "I _really_ have no idea,"

Amy balled her fists and let all her anger explode out of her. Like before except now she was aware of her mouth.

"No! I will _not_ hop on up to my room and ponder that, because THAT IS NOT A NAME!" She had put all the voice she had packed into that confident, self-assured body of hers that she wasn't entirely sure that she anything else. Amy's voice echoed around the TARDIS, travelling down every hall and through every room that the Doctor was pretty sure he saw the little port hole at the top of the wall that allows him to make sure that he _isn't_ going to go crashing into a planet or star of sun or meteor any time soon actually shake.

Pretty sure he didn't want to experience _that_ again any time soon – leave it to him to pick up a persistent one – the Doctor shook his head and turned back to the controls, only leaning on it now and not pushing any buttons. "I'm tired of arguing this, Amy." He spoke stiffly. "Just go to bed, I'll see you in the morning."

Amy's mouth fell open and she gasped, moving over to where he stood at the control panel and, not caring that she was acting like a child, flicked him in the ear. The Doctor flinched and spun around, clutching his reddening earlobe. "OW! Did you just flick me in the ear?"

"Did you just send me to my room? Again!" She stared at him, insulted and making sure that he could see that on her face. "I am _not_ a child!"

The Doctor turned away from the fiery red head, "Could of fooled me..." It was meant to be only for him but somehow Amy heard it. She flicked him again. "OW! Will you stop that!"

"I heard that!" She informed him, ignoring his latest demand. The Doctor growled again. No going back now.

"Why do you want to know my name?" He repeated.

Amy wasn't giving in. "Why won't you tell me your name?"

"Because!" He knew very well that he couldn't just leave it at that, but he also really didn't care. If Amy was going to act like a child then he should probably just fight fire with fire. He hasn't elaborated on that response and knowing Amy she's probably figured that out by now and is going to hammer him about it any moment now...

"Because? Just _because_? Now who's acting like a child,"

See?

The Doctor stared between his companion and all the one million buttons and bolts and bobs and levers and toggles and God only knows what else on his control panel, really wanting to get back to his button pushing and toggle...toggling, but he knew that if he didn't sort this thing with Amy out soon things will not be pretty. Mainly for him, he was pretty sure _she's_ be fine.

"Why do you want to know my name?" The Doctor cursed himself. Does he really have to keep asking that question? It's getting things nowhere!

"Because I want something to call you." So she was sticking with her earlier explanation. Fine.

The Doctor took a deep breath and attempted to speak in the smoothest, calmest voice he could master at the current moment, "Why?"

"Because I don't want to call you the Doctor any more."

...What?

"Why?" Despite his best abilities he couldn't stop the exclamation from escaping.

Amy shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Well, at least he was making eye contact. That's a start. "Because..." Because why? "Because it's just..." Think, Amy, think! "...Boring." You could only imagine the look on the Doctor's face. Ok, so maybe that was a lie but he didn't really have to know that.

"WHAT?" The Doctor exclaimed. "Boring?" She said it. She actually said it was boring! "HA! 'The Doctor' is most certainly _not_ boring, young lady, and you will do well to remember that!"

Amy shrugged. She may as well milk this for as much as she can get. "Ah' dunno. It just seems a little...dull, don't you think?"

The Doctor stared. Silence pasted. Then he stared laughing and Amy seriously began to ponder the idea that he may have just cracked it...that is, if he hadn't already centuries ago. "Dull! Haha! You want dull and boring I'll give you dull and boring, Pond! I once had a friend who called himself 'The Postman'. What kind of prat would run around calling himself the Postman? One that did not live very long, that's who!"

Ok, so maybe that was a lie but she didn't really need to know that. The corners of Amy's mouth twitched and the Doctor could tell she was frantically trying to hold back laughter.

"The _Postman_?" The Doctor grinned in spite of himself. "Really? Um, I don't know. It kind of adds more humour than 'The Doctor'." The grin disappeared almost as quickly as it came. She counteracted that. She actually counteracted something that he thought would leave her speechless! This girl must go down!

"Are you serious?" His voice was mono toned.

"Yes now tell me your name."

The Doctor lifted his head to the ceiling and groaned in sickening frustration. He turned away from Amy and ran to the stairs, ironically choosing to sit in the exact spot that she was minutes ago. He also buried his head in his hands and Amy had to really fight not to laugh this time. After a few minutes he slowly looked back at her. "You really don't give up, do you?"

Amy grinned widely, "Nope."

The Doctor sighed and ran a hand through his hair, seriously contemplation what he should do. After a few moments he stood back up and stared his companion down, looking her directly in the eyes. "Alright," Was all he said.

Amy looked around the room, waiting for an elaboration that never came. Huh. I guess this is how he felt before. "Alright...what?"

"Alright. I'll tell you my name."

Amy almost jumped out of her skin. "Really?" She asked, trying to cover the excitement in her voice.

The man nodded, speaking stiffly, "Yes."

"Well then, what is it?"

"John Smith."

"John..." The excitement vanished, "...Smith."

There was a silence that filled the room that scared Amy to the bone. Under the intense stare of her childhood imaginary friend, all she could hear was the sound of the TARDIS' constant ringing, a sort of _swooshing_ sound that sounded like she was breathing, and the sound of her own heartbeat. This silence went on for a while, Amy lost count of the minutes, until she finally broke the silence.

"Your name is seriously John Smith," Dry voice: check.

"Yeah. It is." The Doctor nodded and began descending the stairs. Now that Amy got her answer, no matter how ridiculous it may be, her mind can finally be at ease and he can finally get back to his button pushing.

"John Smith?" Oh for the love of...

"John Smith."

"John Smith,"

"John Smith." He reached the control panel just in time for more silence.

"...John Smith?"

"Yes!" The Doctor whirled around, arms flying everywhere. "Yes, that is my name! How many times to you want to repeat it?" He was breathing heavily now. Amy scoffed.

"John Smith is not a name! It's a name that someone gives to someone else when they don't know what their name is—" She gasped and the Doctor could honestly say he was seriously scared out of his head. "You don't know _what_ your name is...do you?"

Oh good God, here we go.

The Doctor balled his fists. One more minute of this and he was going to... "Of course I know my name! It is_ John Steve_!"

"Smith."

"Whatever!" He wasn't going to worry about the error. Just blame it on anger. Amy stared. And stared. And stared. "You know I'm not buying this, right?"

The Doctor sighed and turned back to his controls. "Of course not." Suddenly a little flashing icon in the centre of the small screen in the top left hand corner caught his attention. After confirming that it was most defiantly _not_ a Sun or star that he was about to crash into, the Doctor began to thank all the Gods and Goddesses and Santa Claws and whoever else was listening, and may or may not have just pledged his deepest love to and eternal allegiance. The details are sketchy.

Before Amy could utter another word the Doctor had held up one finger literally inches from her face and was saying, "But! I have been called that name numerous times on occasion throughout my existence, so I guess that that name sort of, kind of, maybe counts as my name." He looked at the screen. Only a matter of time now...

Amy grinned menacingly, "What name?" She teased.

"I swear, Pond. If you make me say those two words _one more time_—" The Doctor hit the floor with a _thump_! In one swift moment the TARDIS had knocked both of them to their feet and was continuing to shake rapidly. The Doctor could feel the motion of spinning out of control and knew right away that the TARDIS was taking them to the little flashing icon in the centre of the small screen in the top left hand corner. The Doctor laughed as he pulled both him and Amy to their feet, making sure she was secure before jumping around to the other side the bull whatever levers needed pulling or wheat ever buttons needed pushing or whatever toggles needed...toggling to help smooth out this bumpy ride.

Nine out of ten times it didn't work.

The TARDIS gave off one final violent jerk before they were both able to regain their proper footing. "So," Amy began once she had peeled herself off the TARDIS floor, "where are we now?"

The Doctor didn't answer right away; to busy pushing buttons. He only spoke once he checked the righting on the screen. "Why don't you go and have a look? I'll be right behind you."

The Doctor watched her as she walked to the two blue doors that were the one and only exit or entrance to this flying blue box, making sure that she was completely out the door before running over – more like skipping over – to one of the many giant pilers and throwing his arms around them. "Thank you, thank you, thank you _so_ much!".

Once the Doctor threw open the double wooden doors he had to quickly latch onto the handle and grip his feet to the ground to stop from smashing into a certain red head who was standing there, right in front of the doors, hands on hips and a deadly looking scowl on her face. Once the Doctor found what on earth, or rather, that planet Amy was scowling about, he almost face palmed himself for being so stupid.

"What is this?"

Ok, so he may have just given Amy the impression that she was annoying him so much that he was planning to dump her on some arid wasteland of a planet and run the other direction.

"Uh...whoops. Hehe. I-I kind of set a course for the TARDIS without thinking and...and...and this isn't my fault!" His eyes shifted from side to side. Ok, so maybe leaving her here isn't such a bad...NO!

"Mm-hmm." Was all Amy said. Despite what he thought Amy didn't scream at him or whack him or flick him in the ear. She just sighed. "So," Awkward silence.

"So," The Doctor mimicked, stepping out of the TARDIS.

"You really don't have a little book titled "Timelord's Guide for Dummies: Top Ten Ways to Piss Off Your Companion" hidden away somewhere in your pockets?"

"...What?" He blinked at her. The Doctor was just about to ask if she was calling him a dummy but stopped because, stupid question, of course she was calling him a dummy. And plus she had cut him off before he could say another word.

"Never mind. Forget I said anything."

The Doctor nodded and just left it at that. They might as well journey this planet whilst their here; might find something interesting. The Doctor began walking off but didn't get very far before Amy called out to him.

"Doctor?" She said.

Well, at least she isn't calling him the Postman. "Yes, Amy?"

"Does this mean I can start calling you John Smith?"

Whatever smile that was on his face vanished. "No, Amy. No you can't."

"Ok. So, how about the Postman?"

"NO!"

_**~END~**_

**

* * *

**

Hi! Yeah, so this is my first Doctor Who fic so I hope I didn't do to badly. I thought I'd write something different for a change that isn't from an Anime or Video game, and I'm a big Doctor Who fan so somehow

_**this**_** came out. **

**I tried to make it humerus, but I don't really think that was the case in the end. Oh well, what did you think?**

**Please review.**

**0000**

**0 0 **

**0 **


End file.
